


you with the wide eyes (don't lose your courage)

by ShakingALittle



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Famous Harry, Famous Louis, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, M/M, No Smut, OT4, Past Relationship(s), SO SORRY, Sad Ending, The band is on hiatus, and little to no niam, there's no zayn apparently, yeah this is going to be a sad fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 07:58:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11309094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShakingALittle/pseuds/ShakingALittle
Summary: In the midst of dying, Harry helps Louis to check off everything on Louis’ Bucket List.





	you with the wide eyes (don't lose your courage)

If there’s a couple things Louis can enjoy staying, hospital isn’t one of them.

 

There’s a lot of reason why he’s not too fond of hospital and doctors, beginning with his anemia since he was only a baby so he needed to go back and forth to that place, then when he was 7 he cracked open his knee because he fell in the middle of the road and a car ran over his right leg and lost lots of blood, to his mother’s death 2 years ago, Louis could seriously go on.

 

When he wakes up to the familiar smell, it’s still dark outside, he can listen to a couple crickets doing their job, soft drizzle of rain pouring just at the outskirts of London. He notices his phone, picking it up while it’s still buzzing, it’s Harry who is calling.

 

“Louis?” Harry’s voice a bit raspy, probably just woken up from his slumber. Louis himself is found surprised at the fact Harry is the first to call him, it’s usually the cheeky Irish lad.

 

A familiar sting hit his gut when he feels the waves of fond coming to him, “Hi.” He replies. Harry’s voice makes Louis thinks about all those days when they were still together.

 

“Is anyone there with you?” Harry asks. That, he didn’t realize, Louis looks around his room a couple times and heard there’s a noise coming from the bathroom. Maybe he should go check. “I’m already on my way there.” Before Louis could intercept, Harry already starts, “Nope, no, I’m not going to stay at home with you in the hospital Louis.”

 

“Honestly, I’m sorry.” Beside the fact that Harry won’t budge when it comes to this, Louis do need some company, be it his ex.

 

“Louis, no. You don’t need to apologize. What you can do though, is to stop giving us a heart attack at 2 o’clock in the morning with Alberto calling to tell that you’re rushed in the hospital again.” Harry sighs loudly, “Some time in the future I’m going to get caught going over the speed limit.”

 

“Now, you don’t want to be in the hospital when I’m already in one in the first place. Slow down, I’m going to be okay.” As if on cue, Louis’ stomach grumbles.

 

“You know what you can do? Grab me some tacos.” Louis could eat a week worthy of food. “Don’t text and drive, don’t go over the speed limit, I’m not kidding, Harry.”

 

When everyone claims that Louis is the best driver in the band, it’s true. Since they were both still together, Harry is the one who often drives a bit hasty.

 

“Right, right. But be sure to update me on anything Louis. I mean everything.” Harry warned with a clipped tone. It feels like he’s being scold by his mother all over again.

“Okay, mom.” Louis speaks over the phone flatly, then he hung up.

 

He doesn’t realize there’s a man in a white suit with a clipboard in hand had entered the room. The man clears his throat, “Good morning, Louis.”

 

Louis knew him already, He’s Doctor Leon, the one who usually handles him every time he’s rushed to this hospital. He frowns at this; Doctor Leon can be so annoying at times, Louis thinks his face looks a bit like a punched mouse, his voice is a bit screechy, his eyes always wander across the room, and what he says is always right, don’t judge Louis but he really dislikes being wrong. He looked away, he really hates the hospital.

 

“Alberto is in the cafeteria; he was calling your family.” Doctor Leon explains.

 

“So why am I here again, Doc?” He knows the answer, it’s of course his anemia, again and again.

 

“You would think it’s because of your anemia. Louis, I’ve warned you, you need someone to live with, in case these things happened again. This time you passed out, Louis. I think you will need to go through a whole body check up, get your blood drawn and such things. I will tell you those things later when Harry comes okay?” Doctor Leon could sense Louis’ minimal interest in what he’s talking about, but he still goes on, “Louis I need you to be serious, this time it’s worst than usual.”

 

Louis perks up at the word _worst_. “What, what’s wrong with me?” He looks up facing Doctor Leon.

 

Right then he heard a knock and Harry let himself into the room. “Hi Doc.” He nodded at Doctor Leon and goes by Louis’ side, dropping his food and juice he asked. He looked over Louis with a big frown and grab the glass over the table at point the straw to Louis’ lips. Louis sips his water as Doctor Leon continues, “Harry, now that you’re here, I think we three need to talk.”

 

With that, Harry turned to face Doctor Leon and put on a hard look. “What’s going on?”

 

“I think it’s best to discuss this in my office,” He first starts, then stare at Louis with a knowing look, “Yes, you need a wheelchair, I’ll tell a nurse to bring one here.”

 

Harry knows he will protest, “But I’m not weak, I’m perfectly fine walking with both of my feet ove-” Harry looked at him with a raised eyebrow, “We might as well get over that and listen what Doctor said.”

 

“Haz.” Louis says. With that nickname, Harry's face softened a bit with that, “I know. But you passed out last night, I won’t risk you falling when you walk on your jelly feet, okay?” He speaks softly, it was bliss hearing his voice after radio silence for god knows how long. Louis has always adored Harry’s voice, he found it quite calming.

 

Doctor Leon nods in agreement. “We’re here to help you, Louis. Seriously, get that into your head.” He advices. Louis exhales his breath loudly, looking down to his small pale hands being so close to Harry’s big tan one. Everyone knows Harry records his album in Jamaica, that explains why he is so tan. A nurse then comes in and helps Harry carrying Louis to the wheelchair.

 

“First thing first, don’t interfere me while I’m talking as there’s a lot of things I need to tell you, and then questions will be answered later.” Doctor Leon with all his papers on the table, looks at Louis at the opposite with a stern look. “The number one in this list is I’m instructing you to have a full body check up, it seems like your anemia got even worse to the point your body lose conscious. Second thing, from the result, we will see if you do have serious things to be concerned more, or you can go back home. And then I have to again remind you, Louis, please take this seriously, you need to have someone to move in with you in case anything like this happened again, you were lucky enough last night you passed out just a couple minutes before Alberto came to drop your things, just a little longer you could be dead right now.”

 

Louis looks down at his lap, feeling so guilty.

 

Harry looks to his side and then speaks up, “It’s okay Doc, I’m going to move in with him.” Louis looks up like a deer caught in a headlight, “What are you talking about? Jesus. No. I won’t let you.” Louis shakes his head vigorously.

 

Harry sets his hard gaze upon Louis, “How many times do I have to tell you, admit yourself you need help. I know you would probably prefer Niall but he’s a bit busy at the moment, with his songs and album coming out. Liam is out there reaching more artists. My album has come out Lou, it’s past the promo season if you haven’t known it already.” Harry’s tone is so bitter.

 

Louis glares at the floor, he hates it when Harry plays with that card, he hates it more when Harry is right. He hates the feeling of helpless, “I’m an adult, do I need to remind you all here that?” He glowers. And it’s not that he doesn’t know about Harry’s album, it’s just that Louis decides to not listen it 24/7 (lies, he listen to it every night before bed). The pain is too much, especially if you’re listening to someone so dear to you, pouring his heart out in a song he wrote for you when they’re still young and in love.

 

“Doesn’t mean you don’t need help. Your mom even said so.” Doctor Leon utters. That’s when Louis felt really angry, he snaps. “You don’t know my mother.”

 

“Yeah but I know Harry and he’s cares about you the same thing.” Doctor Leon states. Harry uses this chance to intercept, “Lottie will say the same thing, Lou. I’m moving in with you; you can’t say no to this.”

 

Doctor Leon then beams at both Harry and Louis, “Good, now that’s taken care of, I’m scheduling your check up tomorrow in the morning.”

 

Louis doesn’t like this, but nevertheless he nods, refusing to look at Doctor Leon.

 

When Doctor Leon has left the room, Louis quickly moves on to Harry, voice a bit shrill, “Are you fucking sure you’re okay with moving in with me?”

 

Harry parts his lips, about to speak, but he pauses and closes his mouth.

 

Louis laughs bitterly, “Figured.”

 

Well, that ticks Harry off a bit, so Harry goes, “You promised you’re not going to let the past define our future.”

 

“Yeah, but we can’t exactly forget about it right?” Louis remarks cynically. Louis knows he’s in denial, but he’s not down without an argue.

 

“So? Give me a good reason why shouldn’t I stay with you? Just because I’m your ex? Ha-ha funny you didn’t bother too much about that when switching me over to Aiden just a couple days after we broke up.” It feels like a stab in Louis’ chest.

 

“Harry.” Louis tries to focus on happy thoughts, “We’ve talked about that, it was a— “

 

“Drunken mistake, yeah, sure.” Harry sighs disbelievingly.

 

“Harry, we’re not even kissing! People being people, took advantage of the angle! We’re just hugging, Harry.”

 

Harry closes his eyes frustatedly, “No. You know how I feel about him.”

 

It’s nearing the end point of their argument, but still, Louis hollers, “For once believe in me!”

 

“Stop your screaming, you know I hate it.” Louis knows Harry hates it, that’s why he’s doing it, he desperately wants to push Harry’s bitter button.

 

“Louis, let’s get over this and I’m going to move in with you, okay? End of discussion.” At that, Louis shuts up. There’s no going back.

 

 

 

 ***

 

Harry stays the night, sleeping on the sofa, even though Louis knows his back hurts terribly, but Harry didn’t say a thing. 

 

Early in the morning, Louis is called by a nurse and once again he is wheeled to another room. The room smelled like somebody pour a gallon of antiseptic and because it’s still early in the morning, in his hospital gown, Louis shivers.

 

“It’s bloody cold here.” He says to the nurse that’s wheeling him. Frankly, he’s trying to build up a conversation. Everyone knows he’s not to keen on waking up a bit too early (by means, before 10 o’clock in the morning), he gritted his teeth when the nurse doesn’t even acknowledge his attempt, he needs someone to make this a bit bearable, Harry hasn’t been helping a lot with that.

 

But when that’s done and the day has passed, a ray of sunshine came, it’s Lottie and Tommy. Not that Harry is a bad company, but they both didn’t talk since yesterday, there’s a heavy awkward tension between them.

 

Lottie came with Tommy with a frantic look and hugged Louis tight, and slapped him hard, scolding him “Don’t make me worry too much about you.” Louis just give her a tight lip smile, “Hi to you too, baby sis.”

 

She turned around to look at Harry who’s sitting at the sofa bed, “Who brought him here? Alberto is it?” Harry nods and yawns, he’s up all night moving to left and right, trying to find a comfy position because of the sofa, he thinks he needs to make a quick trip to Starbucks. “Before you rant Louis’ ear off, I’m going to move in with Louis, it’s all sorted Lotts.”

 

Lottie sighed heavily and gave Harry a small smile, “Do you know you’re one hell of a brother I’ve never asked for?”

 

Upon hearing that, Louis grumbles and push Lottie off his lap, “Go away you traitor.”

 

“Aw, Louis. You’ll always be the best brother in my life, Lou.” She pinches Louis’ cheek sweetly. He grinned devilishly, “That’s right. I’m your best brother.” But then Lottie pinches him ever harder, he yelps an _ow_ , “Still though, you shouldn’t worry us too much, Lou. Thank Heavens Harry here is going to take care of you.”

 

Harry nods in agreement, “Yes, Lou. I’m going to take care of you, no complaint, please.” Louis mumbles under his breath, there’s nothing more annoying than being babied.

 

Louis has never been a big fan of being called small and helpless, he knows he is strong and independent, Louis has turned down so many offer to move in from Harry when they’re still together. It’s not like he hates the boy or anything, hell, he still loves the curly lad so much, he just simply doesn’t want to be portrayed like he’s a vulnerable, the baby in the band when he’s actually the oldest one. He gets that a lot; media may portray him as the bad guy of the band, but the fans always thought he’s the baby just because he’s small. He despises that. He’s not too fond over the thought of him being the one that needs to be taken extra care for; the burden no one ever wants to have.

 

Lottie then took a seat beside Harry and asks him, “So what’s the deal here?” Harry explains how Louis already took the check up and they’re waiting for the result until tomorrow.

 

Niall comes a little bit later after Lottie left, bringing them his mom’s shepherd’s pie. The Irish lad looks at both Louis and Harry long enough until he notices there's something wrong,  _again_. He cornered Harry and warns him to fix whatever is going on between them. Niall just doesn't like it to see two of his dear best friends fight any longer. 

 

Liam comes at the evening, saying hi and tells them he won't be long since Cheryl needs him to take care of Bear. Both Niall and Liam took off at the same time, after saying their goodbyes to Louis, Harry and Alberto.

 

***

 

Dead early, Lottie and Tommy arrives at the hospital. The TV is playing The Dark Knight when Doctor Leon came. His face doesn’t look like good news. “I need Harry.”

 

Everybody in the room freeze.

 

Harry then went and follow the doctor. He stands by the office warily, feels a bit weird since he’s not the patient.

 

“Is there something wrong? Oh God please tell me that everything is okay.” He proceeds to sit down in front of Doctor Leon’s desk. There, lays a stack of papers and files. Upon hearing Doctor Leon’s sigh, Harry desperately tries to calm himself, being absolutely not ready to hear whatever the Doctor is going to say.

 

“I’ve received Louis’ result. Here me now, there’s a good news, but also a bad news. And guessing from your face, I’m going to tell you the good news, which is Louis is stable for now. But the bad news is there seeming to be a complication in his heart, that will get much worse by time.” Doctor Leon exhales loudly, looks a bit guilty, Harry guesses.

 

Harry is trying to regulate his breathing; Doctor Leon doesn’t need another patient. “And then what’s going to happen?” He questions the man with the white coat.

 

“That could go to a couple ways and phases, Harry. We both know Louis is a bit hard headed and rush into decisions quickly, and I know you’re not Harry, that’s why I need you to help Louis and guiding him. We can help him.”

 

Harry suddenly understood why Louis can be really annoyed by his doctor. Doctor Leon does gives a very vague explanation in times like this. Harry, a bit ticked, then comments, “You’re being very vague, doc.”

 

“I know, I know. But now that I’ve tell you that, how about now we call Louis in?” Doctor Leon signals the standby nurse to call Louis from his room.

 

Harry instantly panicks, “What the hell? You’re not making any sense, doc.”

 

Doctor Leon tilt his head to the side, “Calm down harry, jumpy you won’t do Louis any good.”

 

“I have a right to be jumpy, hell, I’m his ex!” Harry yelled, grabbing Doctor Leon, preventing him from calling Louis.

 

Doctor Leon turns his body to face Harry, “Yeah, sure you’re his ex, but you still care for him deeply, you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t. Get that into your head, don’t let ego blind your eyes.” Doctor Leon smiles knowingly, “now, shall we call him?”

 

Louis comes into the office while dragging his IV, a nurse by his side. He took a seat beside Harry, knees barely touching. “Let’s get this over with yeah?” Louis speaks up, smiling a bit, looking at Doctor Leon and Harry back and forth. Harry has his face hard as stone.

 

“Louis,” Doctor Leon first started, he exhales, taking a brief pause and continues, “you’re stable for now, your body is regaining strength, but,” Doctor Leon looks down with a bitter smile.

 

“But?” Louis trails, “C’mon don’t leave me hanging?” Louis quirks up his right eyebrow, shivers under the tense situation.

 

“It seems there’s a complication in your heart. It will get worse by time.” Doctor Leon declares.

 

“So there’s another pill I should take?” Louis says easily, he didn’t get why everybody is so nervous.

 

“Yes, there’s another pill I’m going to prescribe, but that won’t do much. Your hope is a miracle would happen.” Doctor Leon says sadly.

 

“What do you mean won’t do much?” Louis feels the adrenaline kicking in, panic starts to rise, his heart beats a million time faster.

 

“See, for a normal patient, this can be cured much easily, but since you’re anemic, there might be a chance of—“ after releasing a heavy breath, “dying.”

 

And again, the room freezes. Harry has his hands balled up into a fist. Louis remains silent.

 

Doctor Leon seeing this, comments, “you still have hope and 6 months in time.

 

“Hope? You mean luck.” Louis mumbles quietly, he hasn’t grasp the idea of dying in his mind.

 

Louis then continues, “I don’t, I don’t understand.” His eyes start to water, he blinks repeatedly.

 

Harry’s body starts to shake, that’s when Louis realize, Harry’s face is blotchy with tears, “you shouldn’t have brought me here, Doc.” Then he gets up and leave.

 

“I’m sorry, Louis. I tried, I should’ve told you before this gets even worse.” Doctor Leon looks down shamelessly.

 

“I mean; I feel okay?” Louis still tries to not let the tears slip, voice still trembling.

 

“You can’t feel the effect right now but it will worsen each day. I’m sorry, Louis.” Doctor Leon looks so guilty. His face stoic.

 

Louis simply can’t process the information, he stays silent, Doctor Leon looks at him warily and hesitantly. “I’m sorry, Louis. I’ll call your sister to get you here. I have another patient.” Then Doctor Leon exits the room.

 

Maybe no one knows, his life hasn’t been based on luck. Luck hasn’t been on his side since day 1, his mom once said that his birth was the hardest. He tried for X Factor 3 times just to be put into a band, he didn’t get to sing any solo during X Factor, they didn’t win that damn competition, Zayn left the band when he was in the rock bottom, He lost the love of his life, Louis could continue.

 

But once again he is alone and lost.

 

 

***

 

Alberto helps Louis climb down the car and goes to the back to carry the big duffel ‘hospital’ bag. Harry helps himself out through the other door, still giving Louis the silent treatment.

 

Louis closes his eyes after looking at the flights of stairs he’s going toward, before using the lift to go to his [penthouse](https://www.onthemarket.com/details/3878098/). He feels a warm hand on his left shoulder. Louis looks up to his side, surprise seeing Harry with red-rimmed eyes. Harry opens his mouth and asks, “Are you quite alright with these stairs or should I carry you?”

 

“You’re still staying here?” Louis must admit he’s quite surprised that Harry still stick around, maybe sometime soon Harry will get enough of Louis and drop him again, just like everybody does.

 

By the time the lift reaches his penthouse, Louis is already gasping for air. Harry reflectively goes into the kitchen and grab a bottle of water, passing it to Louis, “Drink up.” Harry’s face is still sharp, Louis doesn’t bother to look at him, so he nods and heads off to his waterbed.

 

It took 3 trips from the car to the penthouse to get Harry’s thing settled in. There’s three bedrooms in Louis’ penthouse, he took the one across Louis’, thinking that would be the most strategic place. After placing everything his things, Harry goes to Louis’ room and knocks.

 

“Yes?” Louis voices from the inside. “It’s Harry.” He could hear the rattling of the handle. It opens up to a sight of soft and sleepy Louis wearing his (actually Harry’s, Louis took them when they first moved in to their first flat together) lilac jumper and sweatpants with socks high up disappearing under his sweatpants. He has his phone on dock playing his bedroom playlist.

  

“How are you holding up?” Harry asks Louis. Louis twitches at the question. Songs disappearing in the background. Harry could stare at Louis all day; he looks like a very small hedgehog with that sweater paws. “What do you expect me to feel Harry? Be sad? Be angry? Be awfully mad at the world?” Louis’ tone is so sharp Harry flinches.

 

“Well, at least you feel something.” Harry comments, that statement gets Louis a bit riles up.

 

“What do you mean feeling something? You left me alone when Doctor Leon announced my death date, and now you’re asking how I feel? For God’s sake, Harry! Are you insane?” Louis remarks pointedly.

 

“I don’t want to fight.”

 

“I don’t either, but I’m tired and somebody just told me I’m going to be pushing daises in 6 months, excuse me for being cranky. And I’ve told you moving in here would be a bad idea. I don’t need help, just let me die.” Louis snaps.

 

Louis expects Harry to bite back, to fight head on, but what he didn’t expect is pain in his left cheek. Louis reflectively lift his trembling hands to his cheek. He suddenly burst, the tears, that he tried so hard at bay, slips down his face. It keeps running down his face to his chin, he can feel it dripping. He quickly wipes it with his scruffy sweater, he wipes it hard enough his skin turns red.

 

What Louis didn’t notice is Harry’s eyes has already become glassy. “I can’t believe you would say that, Louis. I expect more from you. Your mother didn’t raise you to be a pessimist, she raised you to always take a leap of faith and accept help if you know you need to.” Harry says with a stern voice.

 

Harry then continues, “Maybe you’re right Louis, maybe this is a bad idea. I could have been ignorant and go and gallivant to wherever my feet take me. But guess what, I chose to stay.” Harry shakes his head in disappointment. He turns and head to his room, before leaving Louis’ room, he paused but he doesn’t look back and he said, “Just so you know, I love you, I wouldn’t be here if I don’t. We may not be together, but all my heart still serves for you. You’re sick if you think I don’t care about you.” With that being said, Harry left the room. Once again, leaving Louis alone.

 

***

 

Louis wakes up to the sound of clanking pots, he checks the time, it’s already 8 in the morning, still too early though. He can’t help but turn on his phone, notification rains on his phone, 19 missed calls from Niall, 20 missed calls from Liam, 24 missed calls from Lottie, and a few dozens unread messages. He locks his phone, his heart sets to go to Harry and make things right.

 

Being up all night makes him think a couple of things and realizes he needs to set things straight. He got 6 months more to live, might as well makes it one hell of a life.

 

He found Harry in the kitchen, a kettle ringing to remind the tea is ready. Harry took the kettle and pour it to Louis’ favorite mug. He put two spoons of sugar to the tea then he pushes it to Louis, “Still take it the same?” Louis sips and nods off.

 

Harry continues to fry the bacon and put the toasts in the plate that already has beans and scrambled eggs. There’s still tension between them, but Louis knows he needs to be the one who speak first, “Harry.”

 

Harry nods to indicate he’s indeed listening. Louis takes it as a cue to continue, “I’m sorry I’m such a coward last night.”

 

Harry mutters softly, turning to face Louis, “I’m sorry I’m too harsh too. I just can’t accept the fact that you’re dying, Louis. But I’m aware of that now.”

 

Louis then says, “No, I needed that, Harry.” Louis turns to face away, but still continues, “Now that I know that I still have time, I want to make this a hell of a life.”

 

Harry perks up at that, smile growing in his lips, “What are you suggesting?” Harry’s voice soft. It’s always soft.

 

“I’m going to make a bucket list.”

 

By then, Harry smile has turned to a grin.

 

Louis then took a detour and grabs his black notebook that he usually writes lyrics on and his beloved pen, he came back to the kitchen and sit at the chair.

 

Louis finishes off [his list](https://ibb.co/dQMKhk) by capping his pen, smiling widely. He found Harry staring at him still with the same grin, he then says, “Is this it, Lou?” the nickname just slips off Harry’s mouth.

 

Louis shakes his head, he counters, “I’ll still want to add some more, but I want you to join me.” Harry’s smile falters a bit, “Are you sure? I’m not intruding?”

 

Louis chuckles, “What are you talking about? I’ll be even happier if we experience this together.”

 

Harry’s smile grows wider, “then it would be a pleasure, Tomlinson.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! this is my second fic, if you like this please continue to support me by leaving comments and kudos!


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